If you think you get away totally with anything...you are mistaken

Hello all.

I know it's been a week since I last updated but actually nothing new had gone on so was just waiting for the next chemo but something new came up. I got a huge head cold due to the constant running of air conditioning in the house and it being 100 degrees here so not a lot of outside activity but a lot of indoor and cold air on my bald head and therefore a big cold. Yesterday I topped the thermometer at 101.4 which came down quickly with fluids and Tylenol. I think it has broken today but not taking any chances and still laying low, didn't even try for church today as a shower starting the dishwasher and getting myself cleaned up and looking presentable (for anyone that wants to visit, hint) was enough for now.

I am later today going to run out and get a couple of things but for the past three months for this to be the only weekend that my son, Kevin says "you really do look sick" I guess that's okay. What did he think I was before? Oh, he did say the only way he could tell that "anything was wrong with me was the fact that I had no hair"! Really? Is he kidding? Couldn't he tell because I wasn't making dinner; or walking the dogs everyday; or on his back about keeping his room straightened up? Really there were other signs, they (all 3 of them) don't seem to have the "eye" of perception. Yes, my sense of humor remains!

I will sign off for now, I await this weeks' last chemo treatment, the talk with the surgeon and "what's next?" scenario. I will let you know when I do...

Hugs, Deb

I expect relaxation...

Relaxation, that doesn't come easily these days. I am without energy but don't have the ability to relax. It seems that 0ne continues to think something else will happen but it doesn't. I feel pretty good for being day 4 of the 4th Chemo treatment. I have been doing errands this weekend but not all that much as it has been over 100 degrees here in Temecula.

I am enjoying the quietness of the day and letting myself unwind, how does that sound? Tomorrow will be a little better I hope and I will be able to do some walking (if I leave at 6 AM) that might not happen but all in all I am doing as good as I can be.

That's all for now just a quick note to let you all know that I am thinking of you all and trying to send myself healing thoughts which I guess are working as I do sound upbeat,don't I?

Hugs, Deb

4 DONE, 1 to Go!

Yep, that's what the doctors told us today, they will compromise at 5 treatments. They are glad that the tumor has shrunk very significantly, that is softer, and that is the good news! The not so good news is that surgery now must be performed and they are not letting me wait more than 6 weeks at the outside. As you can imagine anything longer than that and the chemo treatment would have been for not. So, my next visit for chemo will also be a day with the surgeon to go over my options again, which aren't options, there is as the doctors said today only one choice. Mastectomy OR double mastectomy, lumpectomy isn't a choice as 10 years ago I had radiation and therefore they can't do radiation again as the skin won't recover from it, so my druthers are to state firmly that I am not liking the no choice thing but I had always been down the road on removing both as they weigh too much and they're not even, and so on and so on.

The choices I do have is to start reconstruction at the time of surgery or not, only have the one removed and be really lopsided, or have them both removed, recover from that surgery and have reconstruction at a later time. My thinking is I have to have surgery, I have to pack up the house and move the household goods, I have to drive across the country with two dogs so I am thinking the latter as it is the most prudent of the choice and less time consuming and probably better for my mind, what do you think not that your opinion will be heeded just interested.

I seem to always be in a conundrum, really I am just now going to see how I do with this treatment, I did tell the doctors today that I thought they had been giving me a placebo and they both laughed and said no, not really and look the chemo is working the tumor has shrunk, it's just that your body is accepting the treatment very well, you are a fighter, oh how right they are! So I will keep thinking about some other way that they can get this now little tumor out with finesse and not a lot of my skin going with it! I let you know how that works out!

Thanks again for all of your comments, support, love, and prayers! Keep sending them they are what is working for me! Hugs, Deb

It's the wait for that other shoe to drop that...

Mind you I am not complaining at all. I do feel very blessed that all of my symptoms or reactions are eeking out of me instead of charging out! This weekend was the 4th of July and some say I was crazy to have the entire family up at the house for a barbecue but some of the family were missing, Crissy had to work and Lauren was entertained at the Amphip base so the "entire family" wasn't there but those that were said that they had a good time(I think), I don't remember much of it as I did what I could and then was lying down or zombie like (no no just kidding I do remember all of it I was just a little cranky). I did see the Capitol 4th on TV and the celebration from the Hudson River! I heard the fireworks around our house but didn't see much that's okay the dogs were a little goosy but all in all it was a nice day! Sunday I did get up and make it to church which I haven't been able to do in about a month so then I came home and watched the recorded match of Roddick and Federer, what a match! Then took a nap and then it was Monday! That's how that day 4usually goes. Day 5 was a little bit more energy but not much so stayed close to the chair and naps.

Today I was able to start my day with a regular routine of showering and breakfast, now I am in the office working on paperwork/emails. Tomorrow is my Wednesday morning breakfast club meeting so I will be up early for that one, but I have found that I allow myself an "easy" wakeup on day 6, means I let my body tell me when it wants to get up instead of me saying "okay lets do 2 miles!" I will walk in the evening and then walk Thursday morning, hopefully. I am finding that it is easy to slip into a "non compliant" attitude for all of it and then you get grumpy just because you can! None of that! I will sing for my supper and hopefully be laughing with the best of them this time next month!
Hugs, Deb

And treatment #3 is done!

Well the actual sitting there for 4 hours and receiving 3 bags of fluid is complete. This is what is considered day 2 of this session and I started my day at 8:30 with coffee with a friend, then down to Poway for lunch with some friends that are on their way to send their graduate to the Merchant Marine Academy at Kingspoint, NY! Congratulations Alex! Then we went to Costco to brave the throng of people for supplies for the 4th and now home for some rest! So yes I do know my limits and I am really listening to all of the voices I keep hearing from inside and from the outside gang "slow down".

My latest update is that the tumor is considered to be 50% less, and they are considering two more treatments after the 4th one so I requested that due to Craig's/Kevin's departure date to go back east is the 21st of August, they have decided to let me go to a two week interval so that my treatments will be concluded before they leave instead of after they leave(if I have to have the other 2 or I will be recovered by the time they leave). I am happy about this as that last week has been kind of anticlimactic and hopefully not necessary but we are trying this for the next few weeks and we can always go back to a 3 week interval if needed. The doctors are saying that I appear to be handling all of this rather well as I they haven't heard from me and no real complications and my blood work seems to be in line with all of their expectations. Classic or no I still have little quirks that they are having to deal with and who wouldn't expect that from me? I am a unique individual no matter what "box" they want to put me in!

In all seriousness like all patients that go through these paths I have my down times, I have my times of questioning all of it, but I don't dwell on these processes. I sit and take in all of your prayers and great thoughts that you send me and feel very blessed to have all of you in my life! Thanks so much! Hugs, Deb