The winds, they are a changing...

Hello. I think I'll just start at the end of the meeting with my second opinion so that you all will understand what transpired. I have cancelled my surgery with my surgeon in Orange, CA and have scheduled surgery with the second opinion surgeon for the end of next month. As I have said before I believe in getting second opinions especially if your gut is telling you something that you need to listen to and mine was, so I am glad that I met with her. The upshot of the two hour visit with the surgeon and her nurse (an hour for each which made us all feel that we were being listened to) was that I do have other options and it is necessary for me to take some time and think this through completely. Although my "window of surgery" is now 3 weeks gone they are confident that my wait time will be okay and I will be taking an adjuvant medicine in the meantime.

There are studies being done in San Diego county that aren't being done in Orange county that I could possibly be a candidate for, there is an immediate reconstruction option that would entail a long surgery time but healing and recovery would a good prognosis and therefore another viable option for me and let's not forget that just because I choose a bilateral mastectomy that I would be "taking care of the cancer permanently" and not have to be bothered with it anymore. Oh no not so! Realize that too many women today are going that route and not realizing that as in my case with so much history of cancer in the family that "it wouldn't pop up somewhere else in my system". Was that a horrible statement to hear? Not really because that is exactly why my oncologist did the chemotherapy first, was to arrest the growth and or movement of the cancer in my system to another place. I am glad that I went through the last 90 days for a good reason. Well, okay glad might not be the correct adjective to use but I am comfortable with the fact that my course was what it was and that I am on the upswing of my treatment plan. That being said, tomorrow I am having a MRI done to confirm that the left side is not involved and then from that point we (my surgeon and I) will finalize a surgical plan that is now tentatively scheduled for Sept 24. That gives me a good month to get stronger as in all honesty in speaking with the oncologist today we decided that my energy level is not ready for surgery and that what I have been experiencing these last 3 weeks was "probably" exacerbated by helping Brian move and such is also just what the chemo does to your body, you are or I am going to be fatigued and it will pass. So once again I need to listen to my body and just deal with it and know that eventually I will be able to walk up a flight of stairs without feeling the wind knocked out me and I will be able to mix up a brownie mix without having to ask someone else to do the mixing. It is funny when you think about it and let the laughter in as the alternative is a waste of energy.

I am GLAD that I listened to my wee small voice and went this route as oddly enough so many people thought that I was going down a path that had a drastic solution, but were unwilling to tell me. Do you think they are afraid of me, why? What would give someone the idea that I might in total frustration lash out and verbally take their head off? Me? Of course not, oh okay have any of you seen me lately? I know that my reputation precedes me, but really I do listen to all of your comments, opinions, thoughts and prayers. And then as anyone of you will do, I do exactly what I want. No No just kidding. Keep tuned in for my updates, they are changing every day.

Hugs, Deb

Days of Whining and Dozing

Here it is day 11 of the last chemotherapy session and I am just now strong enough to sit and write something that makes some sense of the last week and a half. I will be the first to say it I DID TOO MUCH LAST WEEKEND. I got kicked in the behind and then some. I cannot believe how much strength I don't have or the reserves to regenerate. I am much better today at least today I was able to finish a potato salad that I started yesterday! It's amazing what your body goes through with this stuff in your system, some ups some downs but for the most part I have been very very blessed to not have the side effects that a lot of people do but WHEN I go down I plummet.

I didn't even trust myself to drive myself to my Weds morning breakfast this week, my body would take a shower and then stand there waiting for more energy to kick in to dry myself off, then I waited to put my clothes on and then had to lay down to recuperate so that I could go downstairs to eat something. It was unbelievable to have nothing, not only no gumption to do anything but even the mere thought of doing something was missing. I know I have touted a pretty clear, uneventful case history these past three months but I am here to tell you that I did fall and am just today able to pick myself up and move forward. That being said, I am not ready to step outside and walk the neighborhood much less 2 miles. Maybe that will happen next week, that is walking the neighborhood and then moving on to 1 mile and then 2 miles.

I am meeting with another surgeon for a second opinion as I believe in any surgery you must seek other professional's advice and understanding of the disease and it's treatment plan. So I will keep you all posted on that visit which happens next Tues, the 18th. Again, thanks so much for your posts, comments, emails, and especially prayers, I truly cherish them all.

Hugs, Deb

And the "worst" is over...

Everyone likes to believe that the bad is in the past. It is, sort of the chemo/drugs have been infused, now we wait for the drugs to go through the system and the recovery to process. It sounds simple, eh? Well I am feeling pretty good, I helped Brian move this past weekend, cleaning up his old apartment and cleaned into his new one. I did surprise myself that I just don't have the energy that I used to, that it takes some time to build up reserves again and I am glad to take the time to do this. Just rest and regenerate my strength.

Now that the chemotherapy is done, we move on to the surgery step. That is scheduled for the end of August. I am in the process of making sure that everything is in order for that process, will continue to keep you posted on that subject later in the month.

For now, know how much I have appreciated your comments, prayers, posts, and good wishes. I am recuperating well and I truly appreciate all of you.

Hugs, Deb