I need to "mature more" before my next surgery!

I thought I was mature, I mean I'm 56, married almost 25 years to the same guy, raised two boys who are both out of the teen years and in college, had cancer twice, back surgery and other operations, a few broken bones, and a myriad of job assignments throughout my career which spanned 33 years, what more do I need to be mature??

Ah, the "maturity" is to the reconstructed area and the fact that the area is not matured enough at this point to have my next surgery for Phase 2 of my remodelling. I guess my body just heals differently or more slowly than the "norm". I never denied I wasn't normal. Really, seriously, me normal? No, that is not the operative word in my vocabulary to ever describe myself. I have way too much fun laughing at myself and finding the humor in life to be considered "normal".

The upshot of my rant here is that my surgery has been pushed to March, hopefully around the 12Th but I am not writing that in ink until I hear from the surgeon. I know it's important to wait until the area is "ready" for a reshaping but I desperately need to move forward and get a job and start living again instead of "waiting for...".

I feel as if all of last year was about some part of waiting, whether it be waiting to find out what was wrong with my back, finding out that I had a severe herniated disc, then waiting for the discectomy surgery, heal from that, then physical therapy then find the tumor, have it diagnosed then wait for chemo treatment to start then wait for my system to recover from that to have "the" surgery and reconstruction. This all gives illness or breast cancer a voice/validation and as I have said before; no validation is allowed! Also I told everyone last year when I was diagnosed "I do not have time for any of this! I had things to do, moves to coordinate and a life. I didn't have a year to give to this disease and I won't!

Time to renew, breath deeply, listen to that inner voice, remove all hindrances, think positively, do not allow old stresses to invoke their hold, get out there and grab hold of a new day, new lifestyle!

The outlook is good, I just feel hindered and I am one who runs freely and fast!

Hugs, Deb