And here it is, almost a year ago.

I have been trying to sit down here at my blogsite to put some thoughts down for some time now, but I have not been successful and that brings a question to me. Why can't I get these thoughts down? My answer is; I don't have a lot to say? No I don't think that is it, I think I just am still digesting the past 20 months and letting it all sink in. Although if I am here running as I usually do I will do little "reflecting" and move forward. That has been my belief from the first diagnosis (11 1/2 years ago) so why would I think I should change now?

I had lunch with a dear friend today and I said I thought I needed to go to a support group to help me deal with some issues, she being a BC survivor herself advised me that would be good but what was I going for? Is my issue that big of a deal? No not really I just feel different. Her answer is that going to change? You are different, so what? That's so true. So what?

Why do I feel a need to revisit closed issues? I don't know I thought maybe I should but really why? Keep moving forward, be glad I am healthy and without cancer, feel blessed that I came through these past months and still have my sense of humor, my positive outlook, my wit, my life, although I don't have some of my words, I search my brain for them but that makes me more interesting or gives people humor. They do make fun of me as I sit and try and think of the words to speak. I guess I do look funny. My life, that is a good subject, I have a different home in a different city across the country now and that's some of the problem. I miss my friends,(hi my friends!) my sisters, my mom, my calendar there, I had a schedule of sorts, but I like this schedule better. I work and I enjoy that but I need to get involved in something, maybe I should just "chill" like I advise my guys, they think they want to go, go, study in Europe in the spring or next fall I say WAIT. Can you just stay in one place for a year and see what happens, maybe that is what I should do. Chill, find a church, meet some people, get a routine like that going and then maybe other things will "rise to the top" as my mom has said. She has such a good head on her shoulders, she is a wise woman, I am sure that she is thrilled that I am finally listening to her.

Enough for now, next week on my one year anniversary of getting all of this "cut out" of me I will expound some more!

Hugs, Deb